Tag Archives: work

I Don’t Think It’s For Me

Image result for working for the weekend

I returned to work yesterday after a week of vacation

I must admit, I’m not meant to work. I’m better than working.

Some people really thrive in working conditions, I’m not one of them.

I really need to bite the bullet and pull of the Anna Nicole dream, really old, really rich, really dead.

The trifecta!

I would love to win it through gambling, but that will never happen. The Anna Nicole method is far more feasible.

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Can We Make This Happen?

Pretty much once a week I’ll ask my boss if we can just leave and go play miniature golf. He always responds with a yes, but it’s clearly not sincere since we have yet to go play.

I haven’t played min-golf in ages, but hey, it’s something that is team building-esque which falls in line with corporate ideology.

Now, I think playing would be sort of fun, but my real draw is that all mini-golf places have ice cream. Usually, they have really good ice cream.

I want mini-golf ice cream!!!

Not to mention, they usually have really good french fries too.

I mean we were forced to go to school, but at least they had field trips. Even if where you were going sucked, it was still better than being in classes.

Can’t we have one little field trip? I’ll make sure my parent sign my permission slip.

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Pull Your Own Weight, Though It May Be Difficult Due to Your Meatiness

I detest having to work with a group, but sometimes you are forced into these sort of situations and you have no control over the matter. Although I am a very lazy person in general, I surprisingly have a good work ethic. That is why it drives me insane when I’m doing my job and the job of others. ┬áIf I’m doing the job of two I should be compensated appropriately and the other person should be terminated.

The problem here is that I have to go through certain avenues to address the person that is legitimately sitting on their fat ass doing nothing while I’m sweating bullets. It is ridiculous that I can’t just say, “bitch, do your work, we all see you’re not and it is fucking bullshit.” It’s enraging!

This is precisely why communism does not work.

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Workplace Violence

I think we should have one day out of the year where you can just beat the crap out of people that you work with that have irritated you all year long. It would be sort of like a Fight Club set up. It would just be one day. After the fight, you don’t talk about it. I think it would actually do wonders for productivity. Plus you would realize how many people really don’t care for you,which is also a good way of opening up channels for better communication.

I’m convinced this idea would be better for the workforce than casual dress code, early releases on Fridays or free ice cream.

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I Don’t Know If It’s More Gross or Pathetic

People in the workplace who flirt make me sick. Lets start with the fact that 98% of the people you work with are probably just completely unfuckable. I mean from an aesthetic point of view. I would say that two percent of the people are good looking. (I’m talking about an office environment, service industry is an entirely different ballgame.) So these disgusting looking people are all being cutesy with one another like they’re these hot, young, delicious things. Is there anything more disturbing than watching hideous people display some sort of sexuality?

Not only is it appalling to have to watch this, but it is also extremely sad. Like most of these people are married and probably really unhappy in their lives so they use this flirting mechanism as some way of feeling like they are still desirable. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not. Nobody wants to fuck you, clearly not even your spouses.

I don’t know why I should be subject to this. The over the top laughter at soccer mom, radio station morning zoo humor makes me cringe. The high fives as a feeble attempt to just have some sort of physical contact. The glances of attempting to be seductive. It’s all enough to make me barf.

I suppose I should be thanking my lucky stars that it is not all gorgeous people. I would be in some serious hot water with Human Resources, but at least it would be worth it.

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