Tag Archives: ugly

Justice Was Not Served

There is this guy that is on the same workout time schedule as me and his body is banging. He is ridiculously in shape. He could probably be one of those muscle magazine models. That face of his though, is just, well, ugly as fuck.

He looks like a cartoon villain. I’m not a proponent of cosmetic surgery, but this dude should look into it. Quite honestly, I’m not sure if his face can even be fixed.

Then again, maybe it seems more extreme than it really is. His face up against that perfect backdrop of a body really make it stick out. Maybe if the guy let himself go, the face wouldn’t look all that bad.

You know when people joke about putting a bag on a person’s head, he should do this legitimately.

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My Eyes!

I recently viewed some rather unsettling photographs. They have haunted me for days. I can’t get over the exposure to the frightening imagery.

What was it that was so traumatizing? Skeletons from nearly a decade ago.

I saw a bunch of pictures of people that I had not seen in almost a decade.

They were haggard, bald, bloated and all around unappealing in any aesthetic sense. (Not that some of them were all that great ten years ago.)

Their spouses and significant others were also rough around the edges, to put it mildly. (Not to mention a lot of unwed mothers, which is just unsettling.)

Their children, well, I’m not going to speak ill of kids, but lets just say they inherited the wrong dominant genes.

This is precisely why I don’t like pictures of myself, don;t take them and don’t let others take them, at least not for the last seven years. I think the last known photograph of me is from a wedding I attended in 2010.

Though I know I could stand to lose a cool twenty pounds, I am aware that I don’t look as used up and poorly aged as these sad specimen.

These people should probably not be revealing any photographic evidence of their existence.

At the very least, use a filter people!


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Where’s the Warning?

Feminism should come with the same warning as on the side of cigarette packages. Don’t believe me….

Before Feminism:

After Feminism:

Not enough evidence, I dare you to challenge this:

Before Feminism:

After Feminism:


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You Know It’s Bad

I can’t get over how unattractive people are at my workplace. I feel like it is a statistical impossibility for so many people to be so unattractive. Sure there are a few random really hot girls that I’ve seen, so I do tip my hat in acknowledgment to them. However, not one hot guy. How is that even possible?

This is how dire the situation is, not even the gay guys, and there are quite a few floating around, are good looking. That’s just insanity. No hot gays! I am so perplexed by this. On a complete side note, it must be hell for them, talk about a based on looks culture, which I do applaud.

Anyway, lets get back on track here, I deserve some eye candy at work. I just want to look. Can’t I have a little sunshine added to my dark days of toiling away? I guess that’s why I’m not the boss, I would only hire really good looking people and then eventually have an epic downfall when they all had the balls to bring claims of sexual harassment against me, which I would of course deny, though they would all be very true.

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What Do You Call A Male Butterface?

We all know that a female with a very good physique and a hideous face is known as a “butterface.” This is to say that everything looks good but her face. I’ve seen a butterface or two in my day and they are rather ghoulish until you look below their necks. Now, I don’t know why this is but there does not seem to be a term for a male version of a butterface. Why is this the case and why have all the women in the world dropped the ball on this? Maybe men think that women aren’t the vain cunts about the opposite sex that men are. Sorry to burst your bubble boys but women are just  as dickish. I’ve been trying to develop a male version of the phrase for the last five years but I don’t care for any of them. One example is the acronym E.L.K.B.U.M. which mean Everything Looks Kickin’ But his Ugly Mug. I am tortured over the lack of being able to designate an appropriate term for this specimen of men. They have phenomenal bodies but their faces are enough to make you scream in terror. Don’t believe me? I will prove to you that male butterfaces are alive and well and roaming the earth yet females refuse to acknowledge their existence.


My first example is Mark Wahlberg. The body is tight but Holy Mary Mother of God is that a face for radio. He has the face of a serial rapist. I so don’t get women that say he’s hot. If you took away the body and were just left with that face you would think he’s just a dirty, scrub who mugs old people at 9:00 A.M. in the parking lots of supermarkets to pay for his meth addiction. He is a male butter face, dare I say their leader.


Up next is Taylor Lautner and boy is his face a mess. Clearly the kid makes physically fit people look like fatsos but that face, oy vey. He’s a total brown bagger. He has only acceptable to fuck a chick from behind written all over him. What a waste! He looks like a twink who has hustled the wrong guys one too many times resulting in him getting his face bashed in and after all those beatings that’s how it set.  He is a male butterface.


Lastly, I present you with Justin Timberlake. Yet again, buff body, hideous face. Get into the way back machine and remember him when he was starting out in ‘N Sync. He was scrawny. I honestly thought he used to look like he had a touch of Down. I used to refer to him as the retarded one. He is not hot without his body. There’s something just not right with that face of his, like it never fully developed in certain areas and then underdeveloped in other areas. He is a male butterface.

As you can see I have very good reason for being agitated with a lack of a term for a man with a gorgeous body but a startlingly severe face. I can’t keep calling them male butterfaces. So dear friends, if you have any ideas, please, I implore you to leave your suggestions in the comments section for a term that you find fitting for these characters. You never know, it could be the next “twerk.” That word is now listed in the dictionary and it’s stupid. A term for a male butterface is imperative to sustain a harmonious and livable society so it will definitely be dictionary terminology bound.

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