Tag Archives: old

I Know You Ain’t Afraid To Pop Pills

I was having a conversation the other day about the pills I take which include Magnesium, Biotin, Calcium, Fish Oil and Fiber.

The other person who is around my age was telling me which pills he takes.

I realized that I’m an old bitch, not because of all of my vitamin supplements, but because in my youth, the pills I was taking were far different.

What happened to the days of abusing prescription drugs and mixing them with mass amounts of alcohol?

I loved feeling like I was floating, like a unicorn!

It’s just such a depressing way to realize just how ancient and obsolete I am.

Though I suppose popping Vicodin like it’s going out of style would probably be even more sad, completely age inappropriate.

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That One Stung

I was watching random music videos on YouTube the other day and I like to read the retarded people’s comments.

The video I was watching was from the year 2001 when I was twenty.

So I start scrolling through the comments and there it was. It was not hostile. It was not meant as a jab. However, it definitely stung.

It was six simple words that read, “This was my shit in kindergarten.”

That may have been one of the cruelest ways of realizing just how I old I am.

Sniped by a random YouTube comment. Quite honestly, it still stings.

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Prognosis: Pathetic

I recently visited my doctor for my annual physical where I had a revelation.

No, not that it is in fact some sort of miracle that I do not have HPV.

The enlightening message is that I am boring.

All the fun questions he asked I answered with a no and all the boring questions I answered with a yes.

How did this happen to me?

I used to be young and  fun, now I’m old and dull.

It really is a sad state of affairs.

But what am I to do? I enjoy solitude.

The most social thing I do is go to a beach in hopes of being alone but inevitably end up  people watching. I am with people, but I don’t have to interact with them.

Perhaps I should move to  a warmer climate where this pastime can become a year-round hobby, though I do believe I am too fat for this.

Oh well, maybe next year at my visit I will at least have an STD scare to spice thing ups.

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I realized the other day that my references must be very dated, yet again solidifying that I am not only old, but also obsolete. I had mentioned Zsa Zsa and Eva Gabor to a girl that is only a few years younger than me. She had no clue. I then tried to pull out the Green Acres connection, still nothing.

The other day somebody asked me what I wanted to do with my life, to which I replied, who are you Niedermeyer in the We’re Not Gonna Take It video? Yup, nothing like thirty year old music videos to really capture the moment.

I suppose I should come up with some more current sources of comparison, but how? Television, music and movies all stink now. I blame the state of the current cultural arts on my inability to site anything from this millennium.

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Age Appropriate

I was in a store the other day and there was this old lady shopping. She was legitimately old, like in her seventies. No big deal, except she was wearing an anklet. The question here is, why?

Anklets are ridiculous to begin with, but to be nearly an octogenarian and sporting one seems ludicrous. Nobody is looking at your old lady legs. Why would you want to accentuate your varicose veined, lacking elasticity legs?

I imagine in her youth this lady was probably a slut and this is why she had this piece of white trash jewelry wrapped around her ankle.

People never cease to amaze.

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