No, that can’t be right. No way. It must be just swelling from allergies. It can’t be drinking bloat. It looks like Tony Scott’s body when it was retrieved from the water. How the fuck did my face get so ragged? There are so many lines on my big crater that it looks like a topographic map. Oh Jesus Christ, what is that by the corner of my mouth? Is it dry cum? Did I blow somebody last night? Of course I didn’t, it is just dry skin that looks like day old dropped goo. I look like Wilfred Brimley when he was on Our House. (Young, thick Shannen Doherty was hot. Chad Allen was a total queer. Why did they even have the third child? She was useless. And fucking Deidre Hall, what acting chops, how could anybody ever forget her possession storyline on Days of Our Lives.)
Maybe I should start getting Botox. Kim Kardashian is a few months older than me and she gets the botulism injections. Sure she looks like a wax figurine but her face shows zero emotion which would work well for me because I was once told by my friend that I have no feelings or emotions. I can’t get that shit in my face. Fuck that, I’ll end up looking like a cross between Rocky Dennis and one of The Real Housewives of Lost Youth.
Maybe I look fine; maybe my mirror is just completely inaccurate. I should look into that. It is possible, just like at clothing stores when they have funhouse like mirrors that are slimming so you buy more shit. Maybe my mirror is just fucked up. That would also explain my scale situation. Those numbers were definitely padded. Or maybe I’m just a decrepit fatso.
I need to start hanging out with really fat out of shape people again, I mean people who are fatter and more out of shape than me. That really seems like the only logical choice.