Yesterday I met the First Lady of Hip Hop, Nicki Minaj. I am a fan of her as a performer. She’s got some skills and she can flow. However, Nicki as a person stinks. I had heard tales of her being a royal cunt but I never paid much mind to them for two reasons. The first is that people like to over exaggerate and tell tall tales about people, especially when they have some sort of notoriety attached to them. The second reason I didn’t listen to the muckity muck about her is because so what if she is a cunt, I’m a cunt, we’re all cunts. These things happen.
Upon meeting Her Minaj-esty I learned really quickly that the descriptors of being extremely unpleasant were one hundred percent accurate. She’s turned into one of those pop stars that take what she does way too seriously. You’re not curing disease and healing lepers, you rhyme words together to a sampled beat that was already a huge hit thirty years ago. In the words of Eden’s Crush, “Get over yourself, goodbye.”
I couldn’t take how rude she was being to her staff and the restaurant staff so I did what I do best; I stood up for the little man. I make Sally Field in Norma Rae look non-committal to her cause. So I told Nicki that she needed to chillax. (I figured I had to drop the lingo so I sounded way more street.) I then went on to tell her that she’s nothing more than a cross between a bad repackaging of Lil Kim and a black Lady Gaga and if it were not for Lil Weezy she’d be more of a nothing than me.
Well that pretty much ended that meeting. I must admit I do still enjoy her music. And there is no denying her dumper. Holy shit, that is one juicy ass. You just want to grab it. It’s like gravity is drawing you towards that big old butt. That thing is unexplainable, like a crop circle or something. I want to know what it would be like to eat that ass of hers. A dick would get lost in an anal exchange with that beast.
Well, I’m off, because starships were meant to fly.