Tag Archives: legend

The Legend of Ruth Sophy

I was out on the town the other night with a buddy I had not seen in a while. He suggested we go to some shitty local bar which I had not been to in probably 13 years. I was fine with the selection because I figured, it is a Tuesday night, I’m old and I won’t know anybody there.

So I went out in my best hoodie and high ponytail to play some Keno.

The bartenders switched shifts. We’re playing Keno and drinking.

Then the bartender who took over says to me, “You look really familiar.”

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the saints. Is this like a weird pickup. I’m an old lady who appears to be a degenerate drinker and gambler, don’t hit on me man. However it was worse then a bad pickup.

I shrugged him off like I’ve never seen him before because, well, I didn’t know the man. Then he says, “Did you used to bartend somewhere?” Jesus, fuck!

“Yes, a very long time ago, I’m a very old lady,” I replied, thinking this would be the end. Nope.

“Where?” he asked. So I said where and he scream, “Yes, that’s it,” and turns to the other bartender who had ended his shift and tells him where I bartended.

So now this means it could be really good or really bad for me, normally I was really drunk when I bartended so I have no idea if I pissed them off or not, so I made some jokes about it and they seemed cool with it.

At no point did I say my name to the bartender.

Picture it, later that evening a few more buddies showed up so we were all buying drinks for one another. So one of them wanted to buy a round and the bartender says, “Oh, Ruth got those.”

WHAT! This creep not only remembered exactly who I was but knew my name.

I suppose I should be flattered that eleven years since my departure of the bar scene not only am I still fondly remembered, but apparently I look just as good as I did over a decade ago.

It’s either that or I force fed them shots till they got DUIs.

 

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33, Just Like the Legend

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Thirty three months of no sex for this kid right here. I don’t think that is too crazy but other people seem to think this is sheer madness. Maybe it is but I don’t know what it would take for me to even remotely be interested in getting back into the game as they say. Well, if it really is a game why not make it the type of game that would entertain me, a game that is based in cutthroat competition. I propose that I have an X-Factor like competition for who will be the next person to pound this pussy out. It will not be some gay bullshit like those retarded dating shows with roses or clocks or whatever they hand out to potential suitors. I am saying that it will be like more of an audition type competition. I’m not saying that I think that I’m some hot commodity that requires people to audition for me because I’m better than them (even though I am better than most) but mainly I would do this because it would be entertaining.

I would have to enlist some friends to be part of my panel of judges. I of course would be like the Simon Cowell dickish judge. I would have a mesh of other judges including both male and female friends who are gay, married, single, older and younger. We’ll hit up all the demographics in order to properly insure that I will pick the best overall dude to insert his peen into my holes.

Competitions would include a physical fitness test. If they are too physically fit then they are out because I can’t be naked with somebody who is in better shape then me, I’ve done it before and it is annoying, it’s all like look at me and my muscles, I’m so physically fit, fuck off. Also there would be a competition where they had to perform three minutes of stand up. I would also have a competition where I interrogate them to see what they like as far as films, television, actors, books, authors and all that junk. If they made it beyond that I would have them be asked about what they do in bed, oral (giving and receiving), anal (giving and receiving), rim jobs (giving and receiving), the use of sex toys, condom usage, threesomes, cuckolding etc. and based off those answers they would move forward. I would then have a competition where I have to spend 24 hours with the person and see if I don’t lose my patience with them, well I’m sure I will inevitably lose my patience, so maybe I need to lower my goal and just see how long it takes before I tell them to, “Shut up stupid.”

So I’m really thinking this may be a solid option for slowly dipping my toes back into the high seas of sex. It would sort of be like a more frightening version of The Hunger Games for those who are competing.

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