Yesterday I was just lounging and minding my own business when wouldn’t you know it, a pop princess and her entourage popped a squat near me. At first I didn’t even realize who this lady was as I was completely hypnotized by her enormous bosoms. Then with all of her “people” catering to her I put two and two together and recognized her as Katy Perry. I am not a big fan of her musically. I am a fan of the idea of Katy Perry and by that I mean I like that this really big titted, decent faced girl sells her pop music relying solely on her physical appearance. I think we all know that if she was a gross fatty nobody would know her. Even if she looked the way she looks but she had no tits, we would not be aware of her.
So there I was and there she was. Now I’m sure most people would want to have a conversation with her but I had nothing nice to say and you know how it goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all. I just wanted to scream at her about the Russell Brand debacle. How could she have sex with him? How could she marry him? How could she tolerate him for periods on end? How could she be with somebody whose career is based on being funny and is lackluster in his comedy? I know we’ve all made faux pas in our choices of mate but holy shit Katy Perry, you’re a banging pop star at the peak of your career and you pick that? I’ll have to steal my dad’s catchphrase and ask, “Aren’t you ashamed?”
I also wanted to scold her for her new romantic liaison, John Mayer. For Pete’s sake Katy Perry have you gone mad? His music is worse than yours. Plus why would you ever want Jennifer Aniston’s sloppy seconds? Ick. John Mayer stinks! I mean talk about a mistake of a rebound guy. I wanted to have an intervention with her and explain she is way too hot for those idiots. If she’s going to fuck mediocre looking dudes at least make sure they are not hacks.
I just sat there starring at her in disgust. I guess she’s like any other young chick, a mental mess. I was so bored by my eavesdropping of her conversations with her “people” that I left after thirty minutes and got myself some Cookies N Cream ice cream.
Alright, that’s it. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.