Ruth Mazo

I realized the other day that guys that are white trash, for some odd reason, love me. They flock to me like bees to a hive. I’m not even saying they are white trash in a mean-spirited way, it’s just a matter of fact. The best part is that they are not only white trash, but they are like these super huge, jacked guys. I mean they are monster sized people. This poses a problem as I am fully appalled by them, but I also don’t want to make any enemies. They seem like nice enough dudes, but I’m all set. A sticky situation as you can see.

I’m telling you, they approach me at the gymnasium, supermarket, basically any public place. They thing that baffles me is that I don’t think I give off a welcoming air, not to mention any sort of sense of trashiness. I don’t get why they all adore me.

There’s nothing wrong with being white trash, but as David Broom from the Real World New Orleans would say, “Woo, woo, that ain’t my thing.” Yes, I realize the dated nature of that reference, but I’m old and obsolete. What’s a good white trash repellent? Besides a black guy.