Once again, music has proved how much of an old lady I really am. I realize that every generation has their versions of boy bands. When I was just an innocent youth the big boy bands were New Edition and New Kids On The Block. I liked the music of these bands as much as I liked all the other pop hit stuff that the Top 40 radio stations would play and MTV screened on their video playlist. I was not a super fan. I did not have a favorite. Then there was the band Color Me Badd that had a little bit of a nice run especially with their cameo on Beverly Hills 90210, you know the episode, “Things To Do On A Rainy Day,” when David, Brenda, Kelly and Donna chase the band around a hotel and Donna bumps into her mom who she catches having an affair. Then there was a lull thanks to grunge and alternative music until the late 1990’s and early 2000’s.
With the dawn of TRL, every boy band imaginable came into the limelight, ‘N Sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, B2K and O Town. This was weird because now these boy band members were within my age group. Again, I did not really think any of them were particularly good looking and yes, I did rather enjoy the music. (I know that I should be ashamed of this but I’m secure enough in my poor feel for song to own up to these skeletons.) So there were all these boys, dancing, prancing, singing and having a jolly good time and eventually just like the housing market in 2008 that bubble burst.
So here we are in 2012 and wouldn’t you know it, they’re back, this time the front runners are both British invasions, One Direction and The Wanted. I don’t think I know any of their songs but maybe if you played one I’d say that I have definitely heard it I just didn’t know it was their song. I know one of the dudes from One Direction is the dick of the month for my favorite whore, Taylor Swift. I know that One Direction does a Pepsi commercial with Drew Brees. I know they were on the Brit version of X Factor. I don’t know as much about The Wanted except that they seem more of the bad boys of the boy band realm and that one of their members is super hot. This kid is like a super twink, holy shit; he must get propositioned by every female and homosexual male across the globe. He’s the kind of good looks that make straight guys have to at least admit to themselves that he is one good looking dude.
Now, this is when it hit me like Britney’s Baby One More Time, I am old. I should not know who these little boys are. I should definitely not be thinking that any of them look hot. I am an old lady creep. I now know how Demi Moore and Sharon Stone feel. Those old bags of bones bitches should feel ashamed. I’m way too old to know that these kids even exist. I should not know who they are dating, I feel as soulless as an entertainment news reporter from Access Hollywood. I feel like my new best friends should be Roman Polanski and Woody Allen. I am a despicable, aged ghoul. I should be rocking out with Sally Field and Jamie Lee Curtis at a party where we crush up and snort Boniva pills and then do Activia-vodka infused chasers. I should not be masturbating to some super hot boy. (I can neither confirm nor deny this last statement as I don’t know if me doing so somehow qualifies as some sort of weird statutory rape or child porn.) I am as awful as the music these boy bands produce or so I imagine because I still am not sure if I know any of their songs.