Tag Archives: bar

The Legend of Ruth Sophy

I was out on the town the other night with a buddy I had not seen in a while. He suggested we go to some shitty local bar which I had not been to in probably 13 years. I was fine with the selection because I figured, it is a Tuesday night, I’m old and I won’t know anybody there.

So I went out in my best hoodie and high ponytail to play some Keno.

The bartenders switched shifts. We’re playing Keno and drinking.

Then the bartender who took over says to me, “You look really familiar.”

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the saints. Is this like a weird pickup. I’m an old lady who appears to be a degenerate drinker and gambler, don’t hit on me man. However it was worse then a bad pickup.

I shrugged him off like I’ve never seen him before because, well, I didn’t know the man. Then he says, “Did you used to bartend somewhere?” Jesus, fuck!

“Yes, a very long time ago, I’m a very old lady,” I replied, thinking this would be the end. Nope.

“Where?” he asked. So I said where and he scream, “Yes, that’s it,” and turns to the other bartender who had ended his shift and tells him where I bartended.

So now this means it could be really good or really bad for me, normally I was really drunk when I bartended so I have no idea if I pissed them off or not, so I made some jokes about it and they seemed cool with it.

At no point did I say my name to the bartender.

Picture it, later that evening a few more buddies showed up so we were all buying drinks for one another. So one of them wanted to buy a round and the bartender says, “Oh, Ruth got those.”

WHAT! This creep not only remembered exactly who I was but knew my name.

I suppose I should be flattered that eleven years since my departure of the bar scene not only am I still fondly remembered, but apparently I look just as good as I did over a decade ago.

It’s either that or I force fed them shots till they got DUIs.

 

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Military Planning

Have you ever watched a guy trying to pick up a girl in a bar?

It is like watching Operation Barbarossa play out in front of you.

The guy is the Germans and the girl is the Soviet Union.

The guy moves in strong and the girl tries to resist. Then the guy’s friends come in as reinforcements, trying to help make advancesĀ on the Soviet front, if you will. Just when the guy thinks he has won, in come the girl’s friends who cock block everybody and put the kibosh on the entire operation by pushing the guys all the way back to Berlin.

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