Tag Archives: amy schumer

Who Says Women Aren’t Funny?

Apparently, Amy Schumer when she does a “comedy” set.

 

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YUCH!

According to Forbes, Amy Schumer is the fifth highest grossing comedian of 2017.

There are so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to begin.

The fact that she is the first woman to ever make the list. It should’ve been Joan Rivers.

The fact that she made $37,500,000. Completely undeserved.

The fact that they refer to her as a comedian. Complete madness.

She’s a bloated hack joke thief who even when she inevitably fades into obscurity (tick, tock) she will still have more than enough money to live off of comfortably. I pray that her money managers are a cross between Dane Cook’s half brother and MC Hammer’s management.

Between this news and thin Jonah Hill I’m seriously ready to just call it a day.

I can’t live knowing this cunt makes that much money only fueling her delusions that she is something special.

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Oh My Lord

Men have been brainwashed. I’ve been saying that it really is over for men in this country, but I didn’t realize that many of them don’t even get that it is. Case in point, the other day at work a group of us were having lunch and they started talking about the Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics. One guys is a huge LeBron James fan. (I was not standing up for the Celtics by any means considering they ended for me when my boy Larry Bird said it’s quits, bitch.) So I retorted that I can’t stand LeBron because he’s just too much. They all sort of looked at me like I was insane.

I went on to explain that he may be a good athlete, but lacks any sense of humbleness and also that he appears in crap movies. Many were like, “What movie was he in?” The man, and I use the word man loosely, replied, “He was in Trainwreck.” He then went on to say, “I like Amy Schumer. I think she’s funny. I like Trainwreck. I think it’s funny.” He said this seriously. I almost had an aneurysm.

Men have been duped into believing that she is funny. She’s not. She was mildly amusing years ago when she was fucking Anthony Jeselnik and he was clearly writing many of her jokes. Her Comedy Central show only had decent sketches when they were written by Kurt Metzger. You see the commonality here? Two men, who are actually funny and solid joke writers, were the reason she had any success. Her first movie was unwatchable and the only reason I sat through that entire abortion was because I love Colin Quinn and because everybody claimed how funny it was so I kept waiting for the hilarity to ensue. Spoiler alert: it did not.

As for this new calamity that she pulled poor Goldie Hawn out of retirement for, is there any other need to understand that she lacks any sort of humor? She’s not even a good comedic actress, at least not from the clips I’ve seen and that’s supposed to be some of the highlights. She may have not written this one, the bitch who rebooted female Ghostbusters did, but this proves my point more, women in general are not good at crafting comedy.

Men, can you at the very minimum rise up and say that Amy Schumer is not funny? Please, can you derail this monster that has defecated all over comedy?

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Remember When Bret Easton Ellis Tweeted He Felt Like He Stepped Into A Puddle of HIV?

What is this abortion and why did Goldie Hawn get sucked into this?

Dear Lord! Help us all.

This is due out in May 2017.

I assume the 15 minutes allotted to Amy Schumer will have run out somewhere around the time this flops.

I am not opposed to a female comedy film, but the element that seems to missing from all of them generated within the last ten years is the comedy component.

Perhaps they should think about having men write the scripts?

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It’s Not So Much The Fatso Aspect

Last week it was announced that there would be a live-action Barbie movie which sounds horrendous. Along with this Hollywood declaration, there was an even more disturbing revelation, that Amy Schumer may be tapped to play the role of Barbie.

Of course, the people freaked out and started berating her for being fat and that she could not fill Barbie’s stilettos. Now, it is rather obvious that Schumer is indeed far too rotund to ever take on this role, but her fatness is not what irked me.

The problem with having her be Barbie is that she is far too old. I’m saying this as an old lady. Schumer is pushing forty. Barbie is a twenty-something. I’m sorry but I can’t suspend disbelief.

If Schumer looked younger, perhaps this would not be an issue but she is a prime example of how heavy drinking is not good for one’s system. Again, I say this as an elderly fatty who used to drink hardcore. If she does not stop partaking in the spirits she will have Hillary Clinton face within the next five years. (Though perhaps as an I’m With Her enthusiast, this is the look she’s going for.)

Regardless, the fact remains that she is too aged to be Barbie and that is the real problem with this potential casting choice.

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