Tag Archives: amy schumer

Always Leave Them Laughing

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My life is like an Amy Schumer joke, people seem to be laughing but there’s nothing funny about it.

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Mistaken

My mom thought that Rebel Wilson was Amy Schumer.

This case of mistaken identity was rather amusing.

Quite frankly, I feel like this is more insulting to Rebel.

I told my mom that Rebel Wilson is not Amy Schumer.

She replied, “They’re both fat pigs.”

This answer explains how true genetics really are.

 

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Who Says Women Aren’t Funny?

Apparently, Amy Schumer when she does a “comedy” set.

 

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YUCH!

According to Forbes, Amy Schumer is the fifth highest grossing comedian of 2017.

There are so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to begin.

The fact that she is the first woman to ever make the list. It should’ve been Joan Rivers.

The fact that she made $37,500,000. Completely undeserved.

The fact that they refer to her as a comedian. Complete madness.

She’s a bloated hack joke thief who even when she inevitably fades into obscurity (tick, tock) she will still have more than enough money to live off of comfortably. I pray that her money managers are a cross between Dane Cook’s half brother and MC Hammer’s management.

Between this news and thin Jonah Hill I’m seriously ready to just call it a day.

I can’t live knowing this cunt makes that much money only fueling her delusions that she is something special.

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Oh My Lord

Men have been brainwashed. I’ve been saying that it really is over for men in this country, but I didn’t realize that many of them don’t even get that it is. Case in point, the other day at work a group of us were having lunch and they started talking about the Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics. One guys is a huge LeBron James fan. (I was not standing up for the Celtics by any means considering they ended for me when my boy Larry Bird said it’s quits, bitch.) So I retorted that I can’t stand LeBron because he’s just too much. They all sort of looked at me like I was insane.

I went on to explain that he may be a good athlete, but lacks any sense of humbleness and also that he appears in crap movies. Many were like, “What movie was he in?” The man, and I use the word man loosely, replied, “He was in Trainwreck.” He then went on to say, “I like Amy Schumer. I think she’s funny. I like Trainwreck. I think it’s funny.” He said this seriously. I almost had an aneurysm.

Men have been duped into believing that she is funny. She’s not. She was mildly amusing years ago when she was fucking Anthony Jeselnik and he was clearly writing many of her jokes. Her Comedy Central show only had decent sketches when they were written by Kurt Metzger. You see the commonality here? Two men, who are actually funny and solid joke writers, were the reason she had any success. Her first movie was unwatchable and the only reason I sat through that entire abortion was because I love Colin Quinn and because everybody claimed how funny it was so I kept waiting for the hilarity to ensue. Spoiler alert: it did not.

As for this new calamity that she pulled poor Goldie Hawn out of retirement for, is there any other need to understand that she lacks any sort of humor? She’s not even a good comedic actress, at least not from the clips I’ve seen and that’s supposed to be some of the highlights. She may have not written this one, the bitch who rebooted female Ghostbusters did, but this proves my point more, women in general are not good at crafting comedy.

Men, can you at the very minimum rise up and say that Amy Schumer is not funny? Please, can you derail this monster that has defecated all over comedy?

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