Tag Archives: age

The Cloak of Invisibility

It is strange to me how people do not want to age. I can’t wait until I’m that kind of old where you are invisible.

Nobody sees the elderly. They are right in front of us but they do not even register. If somebody does notice an old person, they are only reminded about their own mortality and quickly look away.

I love watching old people because it is quite obvious that not only does nobody see them, nobody wants to engage with them, they disappear before our very eyes.

This is what I’ve always wanted, to be left alone. No more foolish conversations, sayonara to obligatory favors, no more caring about appearance (velour sweatsuits, Velcro sneakers and BluBlocker sunglasses here I come.)

Some might think that I’m nuts, but what is the alternative? Injecting so much botulism into my skin that it looks like I’m wearing a tight fitting condom on my face?

I don’t want to hear, “You look good for your age.”

I want to hear nothing at all because I’m unnoticed.

This is the dream, you can get away with anything when you are under the radar.

Let the aging begin.

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Old Lady

Being called ma’am is just a really polite way of saying, bitch, you’re old.

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My Eyes!

I recently viewed some rather unsettling photographs. They have haunted me for days. I can’t get over the exposure to the frightening imagery.

What was it that was so traumatizing? Skeletons from nearly a decade ago.

I saw a bunch of pictures of people that I had not seen in almost a decade.

They were haggard, bald, bloated and all around unappealing in any aesthetic sense. (Not that some of them were all that great ten years ago.)

Their spouses and significant others were also rough around the edges, to put it mildly. (Not to mention a lot of unwed mothers, which is just unsettling.)

Their children, well, I’m not going to speak ill of kids, but lets just say they inherited the wrong dominant genes.

This is precisely why I don’t like pictures of myself, don;t take them and don’t let others take them, at least not for the last seven years. I think the last known photograph of me is from a wedding I attended in 2010.

Though I know I could stand to lose a cool twenty pounds, I am aware that I don’t look as used up and poorly aged as these sad specimen.

These people should probably not be revealing any photographic evidence of their existence.

At the very least, use a filter people!


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Get A Grip

I know a guy who recently turned forty. He was sort of freaking out at the idea. I don’t particularly understand why. He’s in a pretty good position as far as his occupation goes. This makes him more or less financially sound. I wouldn’t say he is super rich, but he has more than enough to take care of his family. I found it funny that he was in disbelief because from my perspective it was over for him as soon as he got married and had kids.

He got married in his late twenties. As soon as he uttered his till death do us part pledge, that’s when he should’ve freaked out. I mean, it was over. He decided to give it all up to have the picture perfect family, dog included. This is when he stopped living for me and started living for we.

He seems like a guy that wouldn’t cheat either. Well, I would gather he has not cheated yet, but of course, he potentially could. He’s like an old school responsible guy. He takes care of his wife and kids, works hard, and seems to live for his family, which is what he should be doing considering this is the path he chose.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him, his ship has already sailed slightly over a decade ago and aging was just icing on the cake of his bleak existence.

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Age Appropriate

I was in a store the other day and there was this old lady shopping. She was legitimately old, like in her seventies. No big deal, except she was wearing an anklet. The question here is, why?

Anklets are ridiculous to begin with, but to be nearly an octogenarian and sporting one seems ludicrous. Nobody is looking at your old lady legs. Why would you want to accentuate your varicose veined, lacking elasticity legs?

I imagine in her youth this lady was probably a slut and this is why she had this piece of white trash jewelry wrapped around her ankle.

People never cease to amaze.

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