Tag Archives: age

My Eyes!

I recently viewed some rather unsettling photographs. They have haunted me for days. I can’t get over the exposure to the frightening imagery.

What was it that was so traumatizing? Skeletons from nearly a decade ago.

I saw a bunch of pictures of people that I had not seen in almost a decade.

They were haggard, bald, bloated and all around unappealing in any aesthetic sense. (Not that some of them were all that great ten years ago.)

Their spouses and significant others were also rough around the edges, to put it mildly. (Not to mention a lot of unwed mothers, which is just unsettling.)

Their children, well, I’m not going to speak ill of kids, but lets just say they inherited the wrong dominant genes.

This is precisely why I don’t like pictures of myself, don;t take them and don’t let others take them, at least not for the last seven years. I think the last known photograph of me is from a wedding I attended in 2010.

Though I know I could stand to lose a cool twenty pounds, I am aware that I don’t look as used up and poorly aged as these sad specimen.

These people should probably not be revealing any photographic evidence of their existence.

At the very least, use a filter people!


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Get A Grip

I know a guy who recently turned forty. He was sort of freaking out at the idea. I don’t particularly understand why. He’s in a pretty good position as far as his occupation goes. This makes him more or less financially sound. I wouldn’t say he is super rich, but he has more than enough to take care of his family. I found it funny that he was in disbelief because from my perspective it was over for him as soon as he got married and had kids.

He got married in his late twenties. As soon as he uttered his till death do us part pledge, that’s when he should’ve freaked out. I mean, it was over. He decided to give it all up to have the picture perfect family, dog included. This is when he stopped living for me and started living for we.

He seems like a guy that wouldn’t cheat either. Well, I would gather he has not cheated yet, but of course, he potentially could. He’s like an old school responsible guy. He takes care of his wife and kids, works hard, and seems to live for his family, which is what he should be doing considering this is the path he chose.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him, his ship has already sailed slightly over a decade ago and aging was just icing on the cake of his bleak existence.

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Age Appropriate

I was in a store the other day and there was this old lady shopping. She was legitimately old, like in her seventies. No big deal, except she was wearing an anklet. The question here is, why?

Anklets are ridiculous to begin with, but to be nearly an octogenarian and sporting one seems ludicrous. Nobody is looking at your old lady legs. Why would you want to accentuate your varicose veined, lacking elasticity legs?

I imagine in her youth this lady was probably a slut and this is why she had this piece of white trash jewelry wrapped around her ankle.

People never cease to amaze.

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Over the Hill

Can old bitches realize they are old? Own it, be old, there’s nothing wrong with that,it’s actually quite freeing.

I know a lady who is pushing 50. She recently lost some weight, which is great. She now thinks she’s like a tight twentysomething girl level of hot. Bitch, NO!

You’re old, once a woman is over thirty they are not hot, they look good for their age.That’s fine because that allows you time to focus on developing a personality. Trust me, this lady needs it, she’s rather vulgar and rough around the edges, which speaks volumes coming from me.

All these old women have had their minds poisoned into emulating those trashy old bitches you see on Bravo TV. Instead of trying to look youthful, why don’t you work on expanding your mind? Develop a personality that is actually tolerable. Nobody wants to be around a vapid fifty year old.

Just a reminder, you may have a nice figure on the outside, but that blown out, dried up pussy is still half way to one hundred.

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I know I’m an old bitch but it still cuts like a knife. To add insult to injury, it happened to me in back-to-back stores.

There I was, a patron, and I was referred to as “ma’am.”

I’m not one of those women who cares about age. I’m pushing 36. Whatever, we all get older. However when I hear the “m” word it really is like a slap in the face or being spit on. Scratch that, I enjoy that sort of thing. It’s like being a white person being beaten by a black mob in Wisconsin after a black cop shoots and kills a black criminal.

“Ma’am” to me is like “cunt” to the majority of women.

It really is the most backhanded compliment, I’m trying to be respectful while implying you are old.

I think the two in a row is what got me.

Though still very funny to me, I’m not going to say it did not sting. It did.

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