Category Archives: Sad but True

Maybe Money Does Grow On Trees

About twenty years ago I was walking down what at the time was considered a very posh area of a city.

I was young at the time.

There was this girl walking a bit in front of me who was maybe slightly older than me.

She was trying to put money back into her wallet when one of the bills flew out of her hands and behind her.

She turned around to try and get the money, as anybody would do, but realized she would have to do a bit of a jaunt to reclaim this cash.

So she just shrugged and continued walking in her original direction.

Since I was slightly behind her, I picked up the bill easily.

It was a twenty dollar bill.

I was going to flag her down but then I thought, why?

She tried, she gave up. If I drop a penny I’m reaching to get it. Obviously this lady is in no dire straits if she can part with a twenty like it was nothing.

I thought she must be extra level rich if she had no cares that she just knowingly lost this money and just brushed it off.

I still can’t imagine having that much money that you don’t care about dropping a twenty.

I used it to buy several packs of cigarettes. (At the time, tobacco prices were not outlandish.)

I wonder what happened to that girl. I’m sure she is still wealthy, but imagine what it would be like if she befell some sort of Schitt’s Creek scenario of clipping coupons and budgeting.

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The Cloak of Invisibility

It is strange to me how people do not want to age. I can’t wait until I’m that kind of old where you are invisible.

Nobody sees the elderly. They are right in front of us but they do not even register. If somebody does notice an old person, they are only reminded about their own mortality and quickly look away.

I love watching old people because it is quite obvious that not only does nobody see them, nobody wants to engage with them, they disappear before our very eyes.

This is what I’ve always wanted, to be left alone. No more foolish conversations, sayonara to obligatory favors, no more caring about appearance (velour sweatsuits, Velcro sneakers and BluBlocker sunglasses here I come.)

Some might think that I’m nuts, but what is the alternative? Injecting so much botulism into my skin that it looks like I’m wearing a tight fitting condom on my face?

I don’t want to hear, “You look good for your age.”

I want to hear nothing at all because I’m unnoticed.

This is the dream, you can get away with anything when you are under the radar.

Let the aging begin.

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Moral Compass

I believe there are good people and bad people.

Some bad people can pretend to do good things, but they do so disingenuously. Other bad people are just horrible and don’t hide it.

There are good people who are just good all around. They are caring and selfless because that is their nature. Then there are good people who do bad things.

If you are a good person who sometimes does bad things does that somehow make you worse than a bad person?

As a good person, you should know better than to do something wrong. Bad people don’t give it a second thought.

Does it make you less of a good person if you only think about doing something bad but don’t actually do it? Like if you fantasize about cheating, or think about strangling a person you detest till the life goes out of their body?

I sometimes feel like the old cartoons with the devil and the angel on each shoulder.

I try every day to be better than I was the day before but I lack patience and am not good at not thinking horrible things about people I don’t like.

It’s the battle between darkness and light, like I’m in a Stephen King novel.

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Target Audience

We all have a type of person that seems to be attracted to us. For me, it happens to be married men.

This is definitely not the demographic that I’m looking for.

Since I’m now relatively sober and not being a complete asshole I don’t mess around with the married any longer.

Some may think that this is a compliment, that they would be willing to cheat and risk their marriage.

I think it’s an insult.

Why would they believe that I would help me the cheat?

What is it about me that screams cheating accomplice?

I may be a carefree gal at times, but that does not mean that I’m going to be the other woman.

I get why people cheat, I’m not judging it, but take your infidelity elsewhere.

I don’t need the bad energy and stress in my life.

Holler at me when you get separated.

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Can This Be?

I was at the beach with a friend the other day and I commented that I could not believe that there was not one single super hot guy to look at it, just for fun.

Then I realized that I think it has legitimately been nine years since the last time I saw a guy that was ridiculously gorgeous in real life.

Can this possibly be right?

Almost a decade?

That’s insane!

I’ve seen decent looking guys, guys with justice bodies, but no-holy-shit-I-can’t-stop-staring-you’re-so-damn-hot-guys.

Is there a drought? Am I just not going to the right places? I feel like this is statistically impossible.

Not only a statistical impossibility, but just plain sad.

I don’t think I’m asking for much, just a man to horribly molest with my eyes.

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