Category Archives: Sad but True

I Know You Ain’t Afraid To Pop Pills

I was having a conversation the other day about the pills I take which include Magnesium, Biotin, Calcium, Fish Oil and Fiber.

The other person who is around my age was telling me which pills he takes.

I realized that I’m an old bitch, not because of all of my vitamin supplements, but because in my youth, the pills I was taking were far different.

What happened to the days of abusing prescription drugs and mixing them with mass amounts of alcohol?

I loved feeling like I was floating, like a unicorn!

It’s just such a depressing way to realize just how ancient and obsolete I am.

Though I suppose popping Vicodin like it’s going out of style would probably be even more sad, completely age inappropriate.

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That Did Not Turn Out As Expected

I assumed my submittal of grievances would have resulted in a very poor outcome. Boy, was I wrong.

Complete opposite. I received multiple apologies.

I did not see that coming.

Apparently I’m a much better communicator via the written word because I know that if this had been a conversation there would have been a lot of blue language peppered into it.

So I guess I should be relieved, but I still think I should follow my backup plan of mirroring the Anna Nicole Smith rise to money. The woman was truly a hero. I just need to find a really, really rich octogenarian and I’m gold!

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That One Stung

I was watching random music videos on YouTube the other day and I like to read the retarded people’s comments.

The video I was watching was from the year 2001 when I was twenty.

So I start scrolling through the comments and there it was. It was not hostile. It was not meant as a jab. However, it definitely stung.

It was six simple words that read, “This was my shit in kindergarten.”

That may have been one of the cruelest ways of realizing just how I old I am.

Sniped by a random YouTube comment. Quite honestly, it still stings.

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A woman that I work with recently passed away. It was very shocking as it was completely unexpected. I sat right next to her and luckily, she was a great neighbor.

When the announcement came, everybody was visibly devastated, welled-up eyes and tears. It makes sense, she had been with the company for almost twenty years.

I know they say everybody handles death differently, but I know this woman wouldn’t want us to be sad.

Every time somebody comes up to see if I’m okay, which yes, I’m as fine as somebody can be under the circumstances, they seem to be the ones who are not fine. So now I have to listen to them talk through things. It’s like a morbid merry-go-round. So I am making these people laugh with little stories to cheer them up. This is exhausting.

Somewhere this co-worker who died is laughing her ass off at me. She knows that this is like my worst nightmare. I have to talk with people about the same thing over and over. At least somebody is getting some joy out of this.


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Prognosis: Pathetic

I recently visited my doctor for my annual physical where I had a revelation.

No, not that it is in fact some sort of miracle that I do not have HPV.

The enlightening message is that I am boring.

All the fun questions he asked I answered with a no and all the boring questions I answered with a yes.

How did this happen to me?

I used to be young and  fun, now I’m old and dull.

It really is a sad state of affairs.

But what am I to do? I enjoy solitude.

The most social thing I do is go to a beach in hopes of being alone but inevitably end up  people watching. I am with people, but I don’t have to interact with them.

Perhaps I should move to  a warmer climate where this pastime can become a year-round hobby, though I do believe I am too fat for this.

Oh well, maybe next year at my visit I will at least have an STD scare to spice thing ups.

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