Category Archives: Rant It Up

The Towels

On my recent voyage to Jamaica I found that even on island time people are awful. I was at a resort with a very nice beach and plenty of beach chairs. The protocol for reserving a beach chair is to take towels and place them on the chairs. If nobody is using the chairs for more than two hours you are able to claim those seats. This is the policy and procedure. I of course, being law abiding, followed these resort rules.

One morning, I placed my towels on a set of chairs. I went to go get some breakfast. Upon my return, thirty minutes later, there was a man sitting in the chairs that I had set up for my party and taken over them. He had thrown the towels I placed on the chairs situated behind him. I took more towels and put them on chairs near the ones that were stolen from me. When my mother came to meet me she asked what happened. I explained quite graphically to her my account, it pays to speak a second language. I told her I’m asking him if he moved the towels and she said that I should not do this.

So, I asked him, politely if he had moved my towels. He said, he wasn’t sure because his wife had set up their chairs and that she went for a run. I said, “I’m not accusing you, I’m simply saying there were towels, and now there aren’t towels.” He said, “His wife wouldn’t have moved towels if they were on the chairs already.” to which I “okayed” him.

My mom couldn’t believe me, she said, “Who do you think you are? Larry David?”

No, I’m not Larry David, but I’ll tell you this, that Larry David cadenced okay he does, that was mine, he stole that, that was a Ruth thing running back to twenty years ago, not to mention, he also took “big vagina, ” that was all mine, but I digress.

The wife came back and  before I could even ask her, the guy asked her and she said, “Oh no, there were no towels.” I said, okay.

I turned to my mother and said, she just took our towels, threw them on other chairs and lied to my face. She is not abiding by the rules of the resort.

My mother told me to let it go and to relax, who could relax, I’m sitting next to thieves and liars, sheer criminals!

Anyway, my punishment was that the man started small talk with us. I don’t know why I should be paying the price? He is the evil-doer. I hope the loosey joint he bought from the Rasta were laced with something awful. I also hope his wife gets cervical cancer.

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The other day I was driving in heavy traffic. Out of the goodness of my heart, I let a woman merge from the ramp she was stopped at into the traffic. I got nothing! Where was my courtesy wave? I was furious.

It’s not like it was dark outside so I wouldn’t be able to see if she gave the obligatory thank you wave. There was definitely enough daylight. I wave even if it is dark, maybe somehow  the other person can see me.

What sort of monster was this lady? You always give the courtesy wave! You don’t neglect the wave. The wave is part of the proper procedures of road travel.

This is why people turn into asshole drivers, because they try and be nice and uncouth drivers ruin it for them.

I am still not over this appalling display. If somebody lets you in, you give a courtesy wave, plain and simple!

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Mmmmmm Drop

Holy crap, this 40 degree temperature change is killing me.

I should have stayed in Jamaica. Tom Cruise lived there in Cocktail, why not me?

I guess I would never last out there though, being a third world country, the incessant pot smoking, the snails pace in which people move and those annoying accents.

The people there are way too joyous, or mellow as they say. It really makes me sick. The carefree attitudes, it;s mental.

I don’t want to be mellow and relaxed, I like to be uptight and uncomfortable, it’s my nature.

I’m never going to make it through this New England winter.

On the bright side there are only about 117 days to go, I’m sure it will fly by.


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I love how in a work environment people feel safe to say and do things knowing that nobody is going to react because that would be a one way ticket to HR. This is a passive aggressive persons dreamland and my hell. I would much rather a person air their fuck yous and then I say mine and then it is over. It is out there, it has been called out and now we can all move on.

I’m stuck in this continual purgatory of what reminds me of high school level bitchiness. To paraphrase the great Danny Glover, “I’m too old for this shit.”

I am at my boiling point. One bitch makes a snarky face another comes at me with a condescending tone, and why? They do it because if it was under any other circumstances I would decimate them and they know it. I would berate them so badly they would cry instantaneously and then cry again when they got home to their shitty husbands. They know they are protected behind Corporate walls.

This really reaffirms my utter disdain of bitches.

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The Only Thing Worse

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There’s some lady who works in my office building and she is a cunt. I don’t know her, but you can just tell.

For the better portion of a year she has refused to even acknowledge my existence. Last week she was forced to interact with me and surprise, surprise, she was a cunt. I mean she was totally polite, but you can just tell the phony energy exerted by her having to be even remotely cordial.

I just assumed that this interaction was it. I would never have to speak with her again. She would just go back and ice me out which I would be perfectly fine with.

Nope, apparently we are new best friends because every time she sees me she does the faux hello. This is far worse than being snubbed. At least with a snub I don’t have to talk, but this is small talk at gunpoint. This is hell!

It’s so strained. Can’t we just go back to the ignoring? It was a simpler time.


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