Category Archives: Rant It Up

Four Eyes

Has anybody else noticed this accessory trend of women putting on glasses to appear more intellectual?

Sorry sweetheart, you’re not fooling anybody.

Zack Morris used to do this trick. It’s like a bad episode of Saved by the Bell come to life.

How did this start and when will it end?

I swear this nerd culture takeover is going to be the death of me.

Remember when people with glasses were four-eyed freaks? Yes, the good old days of simpler times.

The saddest part is that as soon as they put on the spectacles they try and speak like they are some genius, but can barely articulate a coherent thought.

The old saying used to be, “you wouldn’t punch somebody wearing glasses, right?”

Yes, yes, I absolutely would.

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It never ceases to amaze just how self-absorbed people are. I learned a very long time ago that nobody really cares when you are around and once you are gone they don’t care at all. However, you would like to think that people could have the self-respect to be honest.

It does not bother me if you think that you are some great person, the reality is that you are not. You have no loyalty. I suppose I blame myself in that no good deed goes unpunished. It really is against my general nature to help other people and I should learn not to since every single time I get burnt.

I did a lot for you. I listened to your horseshit. I helped you advance yourself as a person and in your field of work. But now that you believe I serve no purpose I am dismissed.

Not to mention, most people don’t like you and I actually humanized you. You come off like an autistic fool. You are just an uncomfortable being.

I have lost nothing. I am amused that you think your cold shouldering is hurtful. It’s not, it is annoying. You wasted my time and there is nothing that irritates me more.

Thanks for no longer wasting my time.

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The Married Life

When Donald Trump won the election, I was very happy.

I said the way I felt must be what brides feel like on their wedding day. And just like with marriage, this presidency had a honeymoon phase.

I was supportive of the tax cuts and the North Korea meeting. I started to get impatient with the embassy move in Israel. I liked the Supreme Court Justice picks. I did not understand his cabinet picks, including the dismissal of Jeff Sessions. Nor did I care for his silence when any of his supporters would get attacked.

Much like marriage, there were highs and lows, but hey, you’re married so you try and stick it out.

The one thing that eats away is none of the immigration promises are being upheld. That was my baby. The only reason I got married was so I could have this kid and now you’re saying you don’t want to be a parent. I thought we would be so happy with a wall, an immigration moratorium and an executive order to end anchor babies, but all of a sudden it is a complete 180. I’m going to die barren!

And so with time the things that you once enjoyed about your partner are just annoying. Sure the twitter slams were funny, but I need more than funny to keep things afloat.

Of course as in any marriage you expect there to be a side bitch, but why pick one that devastates me? Jared Kushner. Why can’t you listen to Stephen Miller? Is it because he is not your son-in-law? If so, lets get Tiffany to D.C. in a hurry. At least give me a side piece I can stomach.

I don’t want to get a divorce, but it is looking like it is on the horizon if he can’t come through with the big, beautiful wall I was promised for over a year.

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The Rat

We live in sad times. The fact that there are adults who go out of their way to seek out information on people they may not like or disagree with and then take this knowledge and tattle to get the person in trouble is disturbing.

If you have that much disdain for somebody, why not ignore them or approach them with your beef? These seem like far more reasonable ways to handle something.

The sad and pathetic nature of these unfortunate souls is compensation enough for their childish antics of snitching.

Do they feel better by threatening another person’s livelihood? Are they that lost as people that they think actions like these will guide them to better horizons? Are they so lacking in any integrity that they think this is normal behavior?

To the many people that have been on the receiving end of this weak play of jealous and hateful people, remember that you are a better person. They are miserable people who go through their hapless existences and will never amount to ever becoming a person of substance. They are contemptible. They are rats.

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Fly the Friendly Skies

In my recent travels I realized just how impatient I truly am. I am just not built to be in general population.

I hate flying because it always reminds me of how fat I am. I have never got into a seat and had to adjust the belt to make it tighter, I always have to loosen it. Thank you for rubbing in my face my level of rotund.

On my departure flight, we were not delayed, instead they had us sitting on the tarmac for almost two hours waiting to de-ice. I was looking around the plane and nobody seemed to be even slightly annoyed by this. I was ready to lose my mind. They were giving us little communication on a time frame for lift off. I was the only one fidgeting around and sighing in annoyance.  I don’t know if this makes me the crazy one or if everybody else is certifiable.

Later on, I’m watching reruns of Impractical Jokers on the tiny screen on the back of the chair in front of me when a stewardess stops and says, “Excuse me miss.” I was flattered by the Miss instead of a Ma’am, but it was dark so I can’t take it as a real compliment. Anyway, I’m thinking I’m trouble for something, but she wanted to stop so she could tell me all bout how she loves Impractical Jokers. How she just saw them live and they were so funny, how she follows them on Instagram and I should too, how she knows they fly her airline and wishes they would be on one of her flights so she could tell them all of her jokes that she has for them and that she loves when she sees an episode she has not seen before.

Of course, I hate myself because I’m so engaged and polite in the conversation and I’m sickening myself with my level of nice. I was such a phony baloney. In reality when she tapped me on the shoulder and started the conversation, I thought maybe she was hitting on me. She was a cute little twenty-something. Then the whole conversation, I just wish I could have answered what I was really thinking. I don’t care that you saw them live and I’m sure it was not funny because improv stinks. I don’t really do social media because it’s lame and following people on these channels is a lazy man’s version of stalking. I guarantee her jokes are wretched and unfunny and the fact the she knows they fly her airline is creepy and that she has built this insane psycho para-social relationship with these people she does not know.

I make myself ill thinking about my fake exchange.

I’m just not meant to be out there, I should definitely be segregated.

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