Category Archives: Let’s Get Physical

Protection

I am not a big believer in condoms for myself. Hey, if they work for others, more power to you. However, I was reading something in which a woman said the man made her put a condom on his penis before she could perform oral sex. Wait, what?

I suppose I understand this in theory, but wait, what?

I recall that in my youth when I worked at a drug store that I was damaging out product, one of which was fruit flavored condoms. Of course because I’m a freak I licked them to see what they tasted like. I’m a curious gal, should I penalized for that? Anyway, to my disappointment they had no flavor taste to them, they just tasted as you would imagine a condom to taste, like a slimy balloon. Of course, being the dummy that I am, it only clicked with me that the reason they have flavored condoms is for oral sex purposes after reading about this woman decades later.

What is the point of getting a blow job if you have a condom? I suppose this makes some sense in the sex worker industry, but in every day life of normal people, wait, what, why? If you are that worried about contracting something, perhaps, maybe find another chick to blow you.

This is almost as ludicrous as using a dental dam to eat pussy.

You have to ask yourself if the blow job is worth catching a perhaps permanent disease? If you answered yes, then you don’t need the condom. If you answered no, abstain.

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Sick Puppy

So the other day I was talking with a  couple of guys I know about random sex shit and squirters were brought into the mix. I have a long history with not really believing they exist. Like I know they do because I’ve seen the footage but I still think it may be CGI.

So this one guy was like, “Yo, it’s real. I have been with tons of girls who squirt.”

I’m thinking this is like a statistical impossibility.

He then says, “My dick is curved.”

I don’t know why, but that was like the fucking hottest thing to me.

Like I have zero interest in this dude, not attracted to him at all, but when he said that, I was ready to rape him, straight up.

How are you going to say some shit like that and it just be the end of it?

At least hook a sister up with a visual of that bad boy.

I have never had a curved dick, it seems almost as statistically impossible as being with a ton of squirters, but apparently I need to be on the lookout, maybe find out if this squirting nonsense is for real.

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The Good Doctor

A co-worker was telling me about a surgery her husband is about to undergo. She said the doctor performing the surgery reminder her of Doogie Howser.

She said, I can show you a picture of him. (What a creepy world the Internet is.)

She brought the photograph and I must say he was young, but he was good looking to boot.

Why would you leave out the best part?

He is 35 and fine as fuck.

I told her to hook me up. I would love to add a doctor to my resume, never banged out a medical professional before.

Plus it’s like a win-win, I could ask him all my medical questions.

 

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Running Things, Son

I was on yet another stroll and I was thinking about random things and the time in high school this kid Pat came up to me and our mutual friend Jody and said, “I’ve got a big whatthafuck for you?”

He said it so quickly we both had no idea what he was saying. I said, “What?”

He responded, “A what-tha-fuck? Something that you see and makes you go what the fuck?”

I had no idea what made me think of this and then like I was Nostradamus, there it was. There were five college boys jogging in nothing but shorts. What the fuck?

They were all built and tanned. I was blatantly starring at them as they moved by me. What else was I to do?

Where did they come from and do they run this route daily at this time?

Of course, I’m old enough to be their mother, but they sure did give this old lady a delight.

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The Roof, The Roof, The Roof Is On Fire

I was going for a stroll the other morning and I was passing by a home that was getting new roofing.

As I walked closer I happened to notice that the roofers were fine as fuck.

They looked good, bronzed skin against those neon yellow t-shirts that were sort of tight and showed off their muscles.

Like these guys looked like they were a stripper version of what a roofer is.

Of course, being the pervert that I am the first thing that I thought was imagine if I just said, “Hi boys, do you know what an Eiffel Tower is?”

Why? Why do I think these things?

Anyway, I moseyed by and just did a head nod with a good morning. I still think I could’ve down okay with my opening line.

It’s a numbers game, you have to take some chances.

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