Usually I’m really good at knowing if somebody has it, you know, in terms of sex. I can tell a dud from a mile away, though alcohol is a surefire way to throw off my radar.
There is this guy and I just can’t figure out if he would be super fun or super useless in the sack.
Normally I would just have sex with him as I hate an unanswered question, but in this instance I can’t. Somebody has a wedding band and spoiler alert, it isn’t me. Damn my resurgence of moral fortitude!
It is driving me crazy! I would ask him, but under the circumstances that could land me in much hot water with an HR department, if you catch my drift. Again, damn my resurgence of moral fortitude!
It’s killing me because I just want to solve this puzzle.
Will this mystery ever be unlocked?
I realized the other day that guys that are white trash, for some odd reason, love me. They flock to me like bees to a hive. I’m not even saying they are white trash in a mean-spirited way, it’s just a matter of fact. The best part is that they are not only white trash, but they are like these super huge, jacked guys. I mean they are monster sized people. This poses a problem as I am fully appalled by them, but I also don’t want to make any enemies. They seem like nice enough dudes, but I’m all set. A sticky situation as you can see.
I’m telling you, they approach me at the gymnasium, supermarket, basically any public place. They thing that baffles me is that I don’t think I give off a welcoming air, not to mention any sort of sense of trashiness. I don’t get why they all adore me.
There’s nothing wrong with being white trash, but as David Broom from the Real World New Orleans would say, “Woo, woo, that ain’t my thing.” Yes, I realize the dated nature of that reference, but I’m old and obsolete. What’s a good white trash repellent? Besides a black guy.
There is nobody at my place of work that I’m trying to actively sleep with. However, there is somebody that I work with that the ladies seem to really enjoy. I don’t get it, but hey, to each his own. I watch women flirt up a storm with him. It’s sad, it’s gross, it’s corporate America. Lets keep a few things in mind here, these women are old, married, unattractive and lacking personality. The man they deem such hot stuff is also nothing to write home about. It’s just the perfect storm of yuck.
These women throw major shade my way because I’m near the object of their desires. It’s not my fault. If I didn’t have to be, I wouldn’t be. I should be punished based on proximity? Quite honestly, I could do without the whole lot of them, but that’s beside the point. Just because these women want to fuck this guy does not mean that I want to. I’m not pathetically throwing myself at him. Listen, if I wanted to fuck him, I already would have, I’m single, better looking, smarter and more personable than any of these bitches. Plus, I’m not a blabber mouth or dramatic so nobody would be the wiser, as we all know, snitches get stitches.
The most important thing to remember here is I have no desire to bang this guy. I really can’t stand women’s ridiculousness. I’m not cock blocking you dumb bitches, your hideousness, both internal and external are. If you want to fuck him, go for the gold. I’m all set. I’m busy doing other shit, like working. Maybe you cunts should try it instead of throwing around your barren, dried up pussies at sheer mediocrity. Also, stop mean mugging me.
I was speaking with my friend the other day and regaling him with some tale when he posed the question, “Well does he like you?” Of course I responded with, “Well, yeah, of course he does, I’m very personable, everybody likes me.” My friend then followed up with, “No, sexually?” Well, pump the brakes, Dear Lord give me strength, I hope this is not the case.
I then thought about this question and realized that in fact, yes , this person does want to have intercourse with me, but a lot of people do. I’m not saying this in a cocky way, but it’s the fungus effect. If I’m around you long enough I grow on you. Also, people assume that since I have an air of whaterverness, they think that I’m whorey, which is not a totally incorrect deduction.
Anyway, I was so disappointed because nine out of ten times when this occurs, it is not some gorgeous guy or girl, it is some mediocre looking fool. I mean, the creep, pervert part of me, is like, yeah I could fuck him, but the sane part of me is like, you know it’s going to be the lamest sex. At the very least give me not good looking but with some sort of sense that they would be fun in bed.
I think I’m going to take a pass on this one for now, but never say never.