With the New England Patriots winning the big game last night I started thinking about how I was in a totally different place in my life when they won 15 years ago.
That was actually the night that was probably one of the worst judgment calls I’ve ever made in my life. Can I blame it on the alcohol? Sure, I was far from sober. Can I blame it on my youth? I guess, you learn lessons with age. However, I really just blame myself. I knew better then and I really should never have started down the path I took.
This was the first time I knowingly hooked up with a married guy. I think about it and it makes me sick to my stomach. That is not a slam on the guy, though I can’t recall for the life of me what I found attractive. I have no recollection of why I would even be into him, which is even more disgusting. At least if I had fond memories it would not be as dirty, but I’ve got nothing, no animosity, just no feelings.
What’s the point in fucking around with married people? Go find somebody who is single. In a time where people seem to have no shame or remorse, I was ahead of the curve. I suppose even then I knew what I was doing was not okay and did the old justification routine. I’m not the married one, it’s not on me, I’m not the cheater. That’s all bullshit, I was just as culpable as the married guy.
The sad part is that this was not the only married I guy I messed around with. Again, I have no real memories of being really into them. The big factor was being under the influence. The real you comes out when you’re inebriated. The real me is sort of a slut. It was just that instant fun factor, it was not meant to be malicious but that does not make it right.
Who would have thought 15 years ago Tom Brady would still be QB for the Pats and I would be slightly less slutty?