Nobody Walks On The Beach In January

As I drove closer to my final destination, snowflakes filled the air. They were not heavy, it was the feel as if I was trapped inside a snow globe. They were gently falling, which for some reason agitated me. Perhaps it was because they had a magical, winter wonderland feel to them, it made me sick. I drove along the shore line until I reached my beach of choice. I pulled into the parking lot which was practically desolate. There were a few cars. I figured there were several options for these parked cars, people taking their dogs to the beach, people using drugs and people who found the ocean soothing. None of these categories were representative of me. I parked my car in a far off corner of the immense lot that in summer days would be packed. As soon as I pulled into the spot, a one legged seagull flew over by my car. It was perched on a stone and it began to stare at me.

This invalid of a bird would not take its disgusting black eyes off of me. I felt like I was Christopher in The Sopranos when he got made. What kind of a creepy jinx was this? How the hell did this thing lose a leg? How was it still alive? Maybe it was born with this hideous deformity, who knows why things are the way they are? This feathered disease filled creep would not stop looking at me. If it was a large bird, like a hawk, I would have been scared, but this was just ghoulish. Who knows if this was an ominous sign or just the Universe’s way of completely pushing me over the edge? I figured once the bird flew away I would get out of my car and head towards the water.

I continued to stay seated in my car for the next 45 minutes, chain smoking and listening to bad pop songs from the 1980’s. Even the feel good sounds of better days were a depressing nostalgia. Finally, with a look of a contempt mixed with disgust, the one legged seagull took off into the snowy skies. It was now my turn.

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