People go to the beach to relax or get centered or whatever other jargon these nitwits use to describe de-stressing. The concept of not being under stress was foreign to me. I always feel uncomfortable. I’m never relaxed. How can anybody relax unless they are sedated? So off I drove to the beach. The ride would be about two hours which gave me ample time to really think about my options. Do I just walk into the ocean like the end of A Star is Born? I realized how gay the comparison was, but I enjoy the Vincent Minnelli version. The version with Streisand is an abortion. Who the hell let a woman with a face like that become a celebrity? Her voice is not even that good, there are plenty of other women out there with better voices, not to mention, actual acting ability. I won’t even get into this Bradley Cooper-Lady Gaga calamity. Okay, maybe I am more gay than I realized. I seem to have an abundant amount of knowledge about this franchise, though I did not even think about the original, well, know I did, so I guess I’m on some gay shit.
As I continued my trek towards the beach the skies got progressively darker. It seemed as if nature was telling me that the closer I got to the end point that I would not find redemption or salvation, but that I would in fact find penalization. That it would all end in a grand punishment for all of my wrong doings. Now, I’m not a religious man by any means, though you do find yourself turning to God in matters of potential enormous financial loss. I don’t believe I ever thought of God when I was winning. Perhaps if I had that the Heaven’s would have provided more luck. But I don’t really believe that, I was never one of those gamblers. There are a ton of them that are superstitious. I never bought into any of that bullshit. The skies were dark and I was still beach bound.
My coffee had already gotten cold and I had no more cigarettes. I knew I should pull off and get a refill of both, but I just did not have any ounce of energy to interact with another human soul. But that is what life really is, you having to do things you don’t want to do, just to get a little tiny bit of pleasure, even if only for a brief moment. It was really a no win situation, either I would not stop or I could stop with two potential outcomes. The first is getting a checkout person who is very happy and pleasant, which just felt like that could be the final bit of soul crushing to finish me off. The second would be getting a checkout person who was totally miserable. Though this variation would be far less annoying, it would just fan the flames of my belief that this existence is truly a miserable one. I pulled off at the next exit.