I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. Perhaps it was the long winter that had just begun weeks before but felt like an eternity. All those quacks are always diagnosing with nonsense like Seasonal Affective Disorder but this was not a depression, this was a breaking point. I was on an extended streak of utter shit luck and although streaks were meant to be broken, I did not foresee that I would be on the receiving end of any sort of good fortune. Though some may claim that I am a degenerate gambler, I would disagree, but then again nobody likes to admit certain things about themselves. So what if I like to gamble? It is just as debauched as any person with what they coin an addiction, but I look at it as a real commitment. Why must everything that is fun be shut down as a “disease” or a “problem?” Maybe people are just enjoying life in a way that is different from what has been deemed normal.
Gambling was the only thing that I truly enjoyed in this miserable existence that was my life. Though as of late, it seemed to fall into the same category as many other things in my life, failure. It was as though anything that I attempted in the beginning would be wildly successful and as the time ticked on it would slowly deteriorate into complete shambles. My marriage, my job, my health and now gambling. I suppose it was only a matter of time until the pendulum swung the other way, but boy, the feeling of riding that winning wave is unparalleled to anything else I have experienced. It is what brides must feel like on their wedding day or the way professional athletes feel when they win a big game. It was an endorphin rush that makes dicks hard and pussies wet.
But now, with nothing short of being cursed, I found myself at a crossroads. The loss of major amounts of my finances were just the icing on the cake of a failed lifetime. Some might think this was just a very dark midlife crisis, but I was aware that this was much more. This was the decider. If I were to place a bet on my own life, the odds would be against me. Half of me found this to be distressing, while the other half found it to be calming. It was as if I was in an ocean that was totally calm and then on the horizon I could see these enormous waves that I knew would destroy me. That is when I decided it was time to head to the beach.