The Towels

On my recent voyage to Jamaica I found that even on island time people are awful. I was at a resort with a very nice beach and plenty of beach chairs. The protocol for reserving a beach chair is to take towels and place them on the chairs. If nobody is using the chairs for more than two hours you are able to claim those seats. This is the policy and procedure. I of course, being law abiding, followed these resort rules.

One morning, I placed my towels on a set of chairs. I went to go get some breakfast. Upon my return, thirty minutes later, there was a man sitting in the chairs that I had set up for my party and taken over them. He had thrown the towels I placed on the chairs situated behind him. I took more towels and put them on chairs near the ones that were stolen from me. When my mother came to meet me she asked what happened. I explained quite graphically to her my account, it pays to speak a second language. I told her I’m asking him if he moved the towels and she said that I should not do this.

So, I asked him, politely if he had moved my towels. He said, he wasn’t sure because his wife had set up their chairs and that she went for a run. I said, “I’m not accusing you, I’m simply saying there were towels, and now there aren’t towels.” He said, “His wife wouldn’t have moved towels if they were on the chairs already.” to which I “okayed” him.

My mom couldn’t believe me, she said, “Who do you think you are? Larry David?”

No, I’m not Larry David, but I’ll tell you this, that Larry David cadenced okay he does, that was mine, he stole that, that was a Ruth thing running back to twenty years ago, not to mention, he also took “big vagina, ” that was all mine, but I digress.

The wife came back and  before I could even ask her, the guy asked her and she said, “Oh no, there were no towels.” I said, okay.

I turned to my mother and said, she just took our towels, threw them on other chairs and lied to my face. She is not abiding by the rules of the resort.

My mother told me to let it go and to relax, who could relax, I’m sitting next to thieves and liars, sheer criminals!

Anyway, my punishment was that the man started small talk with us. I don’t know why I should be paying the price? He is the evil-doer. I hope the loosey joint he bought from the Rasta were laced with something awful. I also hope his wife gets cervical cancer.

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