I’m so sick of women who think I’m sad that I’m not married. Dear Lord, marriage is something that has never been a thing for me. I’ve never wanted it. I don’t believe in it. I think it’s unnatural. These women are weak and can’t stand alone, which is why they can’t wrap their heads around the idea that a woman is capable of being perfectly content without a relationship.

I live for being alone. The best days of my life are when I don’t have to speak to another person. The only other feeling that may be as good is when nobody wants anything from me. It is heavenly. I get sick of people very easily. I’ve said it before, if I didn’t have to be with myself all the time, I would ditch me in a heartbeat.

These dumb women never believe that I honestly don’t want to get married. They have this look like they feel sorry for me. Why? I can do whatever the fuck I want to do without answering to another person. I think they don’t get it because they are not better than most men, but I am. It is a gift and a curse.

Marriage has never been on my radar. I have always said that I will not get married and will not have children. My female friends always uttered this as well, but I knew they were all trying to feel better about not being married at the time. I know, shocking, a woman lying.

I suppose there are only two situations in which I would get married. The Anna Nicole Smith scenario, super old, mega-rich guy, dies and I get all the money. The other would be a really famous person so I could collect stories and write a tell-all, thus generating bank for myself, along with the inevitable divorce money I would receive in the settlement. So unless you can hook me up with either of these, I really have zero interest in marriage.

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