I Should Probably Be Exiled From Humanity

When people meet women of a certain age, which is code for old bitch and also my demographic, they seem to ask the same question. Do you have children?

Thankfully, I do not. However, the problem is that when I’m posed this question my immediate gut response is to answer with some dark humor.

The first thought that runs through my head is to reply, “Only when I need to cum.” You see, it’s a pedophile joke.

The second thing is to answer, “Yes, but they all ended in miscarriage.”

Why must these be the first thoughts to fly through my head?

Thank goodness I bite my tongue and just give them the cordial, “Oh, no, no kids for me.”

However, it pains me that I can’t verbalize my thoughts.

I’m holding in comedy gold and it is not fair.

Damn these rules of polite society!

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