Very Brief Interviews With Very Hideous Women: Liz

Q. Why did Jacob break off the engagement?

Liz: It’s funny, ya know, they say that women can’t keep their mouths shut but men are total blabber mouths. Apparently, Robert, Jacob’s boss, thought it was necessary to relay the fact that I slept with him. Robert thought it was the right thing to do. Really? All of a sudden Robert is Mr. Pious? Give me a fucking break. Where was Mr. High and Mighty when he was jerking off onto my face? Or was that the right thing to do? Jacob was hysterically sobbing when he broke off the engagement, how pathetic? This is precisely why I was fucking other guys, maybe if Jacob was a real man none of this would have transpired. It’s his fault, not mine. I can’t believe he made me give the ring back. So tacky.


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