Very Brief Interviews With Very Hideous Women: Jennifer

Q. Why did you blow off your boyfriend last night?

Jennifer: Well, I have crabs so if I saw him he would’ve wanted to have sex and I obviously can’t because then he would know that I slept with another guy. Like, what kind of guy knows he has crabs and still sleeps with you? I swear to God, guys are such dirty scumbags. I have crabs and I’m not sleeping with anybody until I fix the problem. Not to mention it’s like super embarrassing to have to get medication to treat it, you so get the judgmental stares which is totally ridiculous because I’m not like that. I knew I should’ve used a condom with that guy. So I had to blow off Luke because I didn’t feel like blowing him and I couldn’t fuck him. I can’t believe it! What a shit-bag that guy was! I mean, as far as I’m concerned this is so the guy’s fault, he’s the one that had crabs, he’s so gross.

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