Very Brief Interviews With Very Hideous Women: Amy

Q. What attracts you to a man?

Amy: Money. I honestly could care less about anything else. I don’t give a fuck if he is super old or disgusting looking. But when I say money, I mean like real money, like super wealthy, jet setting sort of rich. Like I’m not going to fuck you if you’re like local town sort of rich. I mean who cares about the net worth of somebody from some shit town in Nebraska? I want like super yacht rich. I mean, I’m not going to squander my super good looks on some nobody. You want to get this pussy? Well your money better be right. There’s no better aphrodisiac than a bank statement with so many zeros that looking at them makes your eyes blurry. I mean, I want to buy what I want without hesitation, clothing, jewelry, shoes, whatever, like I shouldn’t have to think about price. It’s not like I don’t earn it, I mean have you ever given oral sex to an eighty three year old Upper East Side Jew who is hopped up in Viagra?  Have you ever gotten a whiff of an old man’s genitals, it’s like the stench of decaying flesh. Trust me, it’s work, I earn every penny.

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