Newsies

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1. Doctors in Chile are baffled by a woman who cries blood several times a day. Interestingly enough she periods salt water.

2. A funeral home in Virginia is offering people a drive-thru viewing option which would allow people to remain in their cars but still be able to view the deceased. Yet we wonder why there is a problem with obesity in this country and the rest of the world perceives us as lazy and entitled.

3. Following the Boston bombings the NFL has implemented a seat cushion ban in stadiums not allowing people to bring in a little extra padding. The seat-cushion ban, found in the middle of the new 10-paragraph policy, states: “Prohibited items include, but are not limited to: purses larger than a clutch bag, coolers, briefcases, backpacks, fanny packs, cinch bags, seat cushions, luggage of any kind, computer bags and camera bags or any bag larger than the permissible size.” Wait…purses no larger than a clutch bag? That means every woman will be complaining to their man about how they don’t have room for all their shit and asking them to hold stuff for them….maybe the terrorists are winning?

4.On Wednesday the U.S. Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act Unconstitutional. Great, now I have to go to more weddings, spend more money, waste more time, or come up with more excuses as to why I can’t make it to your “special day.”

5. Aaron Hernandez, the former New England Patriot, was charged with murder, fired by the Patriots and was possibly linked to two homicides in 2012 all in the same week. Reports that he had shot a man in the face in Florida after going to a strip club have also surfaced. I see a pattern here, go to the club and start shooting people, hmmm, I thought I was  a bad drunk, mental note, the roided up, hit continuously in the head, giant guy is not a good drinking partner.

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