I have had the most atrocious smelling farts lately. I am not sure why? Maybe it is another sign of my aging? Old people always have horrendously loose bowels that stink. I am not even over exaggerating how toxic my ass steam is. The best way to describe the stench of these bombs is that it is as if they are built off of a diet of draught beer, coffee, cigarettes, Mexican cuisine and cabbage. (The only thing out of that ingredient list that I’ve been ingesting is coffee.) My farts rival those of the dinosaurs, they are murderous.
Case in point, before meeting my buddy out last night I was in my car and I was dropping ass as much as I could before I got to the bar. (I did let a few slip when I finally arrived to the bar but I think I got the majority of my butt stink out before.) So I’m in my car, I’m ripping farts and my windows were closed. All of a sudden I started to choke on the stench. These farts could’ve substituted Zyklon B in the chambers; these pesticide-like farts would take out not only the Jews in the “showers” but the Nazis that were within a five mile radius of my ass spill. I really thought for a second that I could be the only person who accidently kills themselves via their own cheese cutting. I smelt it, dealt it, couldn’t deny it and sadly supplied it. Thank goodness I didn’t engage in any ass play last night that would’ve ended like Chernobyl. Heavens to Betsy that would’ve been catastrophic. (I do feel that somebody farting on your dick would actually feel good.)
Anyway, my flatulence is definitely running amuck. It is not pleasant. I can’t really be blamed that my behind is experiencing a touch of the vapors like it is a Southern Belle. It’s a natural body function like sneezing or queefing or squirting. I have no control over the aromas that come pouring out of me poo hole. I wish I did because then my farts would smell like every single Abercrombie & Fitch. Why this distinct smell? Because hot high school girls like Abercrombie & Fitch. (It’s a perverted answer but honest none the less.)