No Holds Barred

I have to give it to the gays, they know how to party. If you have never been to a gay club you need to go and experience it in all its glory. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight or asexual. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a “club” person or much of a dancer. You need to go to a really good gay club at least once in your life. The people watching along with the antics that you can get away with are remarkable. It is like the wild, wild west. There seem to be no rules or regulations once you pass through those doors. The things that people get away with in a gay club could never be pulled off in a straight club and that’s what makes the gay club so inspiring to me.

When you stroll into the gay club about one-third of the crowd are dudes that are running around in nothing more than underwear and shoes. I know that when I used to bartend if a girl would start to disrobe (before after hours) we would have to ask her to stop. I love that you can run around in nothing but boxer briefs that will eventually be sweat through to completely reveal your junk but my one question is where do they store their clothing? I know they show up in clothes so what happens to their gear? Do they give it to the coat check? And these people don’t work there, they’re not shot boys, they’re definitely patrons. I don’t know where or how but these fellas that are in their knickers seem to be fully dressed upon departure, trust me I know because I’m outside street sweeping for my buddy trying to get him some sort of ass. I don’t see anybody out there in just their underwear. I also love that it’s just commonplace for guys to be roaming around the club like that. That could never happen at a straight club, people just walking around in their undergarments; it would never happen or be accepted.

The gay club is a dance floor, the entire place. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the dance floor, the couches, the tables or on the bar itself. You’ll never be asked to get down from there. That is not the case at the straight clubs. The security is like that’s a safety risk and distraction. Good God, how boring and rigid are the straights? I was at a gay club around Halloween time one year and there was this little twink that was dancing on the bar. The bar had real carved pumpkins as decorations. (That would never happen at a straight club because some meathead would be drunk and smash the pumpkin by throwing it against the wall. I know I would be enticed to do so.) So this twink is posing and peacocking atop the bar and he’s totally wasted and takes this pumpkin and puts it on his head like a mask and continues dancing. Apparently the extra head weight threw him off balance and he fell off the bar into a sea of queens pumpkin-head first and onto the floor. The only thing that probably saved this kid was the pumpkin on his head. After, he just got up and kept dancing. He wasn’t kicked out. He wasn’t even scolded. Amazing.

Definitely hit up the gay club. I’ve never seen anyone shut off, kicked out, or a fight. It’s a land where the drinks flow, everybody is in a good mood, there’s great dance music and the majority of the crowd is pretty damn hot. (Both the males and females.) So get out there and give the gay club a chance. It’s bedlam with disco balls and house music.

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