Cheaters, they clearly walk amongst us because there is a reality show all about them. I don’t condone cheating but I also don’t judge people who do. Remember people, when you point your finger, three point back at you. I’ve never been in a relationship, so technically I’ve never been the cheater. Years ago, I did play the part of the cheat-ee. (You know the whorey house wrecker.) I’m not proud of this by any means, to be perfectly honest, I felt like a horrible person and total piece of shit who deserved every ounce of horrible karmic disasters that were dealt my way and I still feel that way when I think about this brief episode in the television show that is my life. (My life is definitely a show on HBO late night programming, we’re not talking Saved By the Bell here kiddies.)
I was in my early twenties and I believed that I should not be held accountable for my actions since I technically was not the person in the relationship. Fuck, I didn’t make any commitments or take any vows so why the fuck is it my duty when I’m hammered to be like, “No, no. I don’t want to get stuffed tonight. It’s not right.” Listen, just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean that I’m the voice of reason. I am NEVER the voice of reason; I am ALWAYS the voice of insanity. Nobody should ever listen to me.
Aging has changed my perspective on cheating. I do believe that if you’re involved in any part of this type of deceit that you are a guilty party. I don’t want any involvement with anybody who’s in any sort of relationship. First of all, it’s just too exhausting. All the lying, denying and being stealth is too energy exerting. I’m old and I’m lazy. I don’t have the get-up-and-go or the desire to deal with all this tomfoolery. Secondly, there’s an over-population problem. It’s easy enough to find somebody who is not spoken for to bang out.
I pose this question, if you’re in a relationship why do you cheat? I’m not talking about a moment of weakness, oopsie-daisy I was wasted and this girl was rubbing her clam all over my junk type situation. I’m addressing those who consistently cheat. Again, I’m not criticizing it; I’m just trying to unravel the mystery behind it. One of the reasons I’ve never been in a relationship is that I feel like I would cheat. That’s why I stay single, well that and my general repugnancy.
The other thing that drives me up a fucking wall are all these people who are in relationships that think that I’m down to reprise my role as the cheat-ee. Why do people assume that I would be okay with this? It’s like I’m the Ellis Island for cheaters. I don’t want to be brought the tired, the poor or the huddled masses that are yearning to breathe free, thank you very much. I hung up my slutting-around slacks years ago. Maybe I need to send out a press release. So to all you presumptuous dickholes, don’t put me in that uncomfortable position you self-important, egotistical, arrogant, bigheaded cunts. Fuck all you mother fuckers for having the effrontery to presuppose that I’m some loose harlot! Also, fuck you for thinking that I’d jump at the chance to be with you, like you’re Justin Bieber or Michael Lohan.
If you want to get your dicks wet or pussies licked maybe you should be nicer to your significant others. If you put as much effort into your relationship as you do into maintaining your devious lifestyle maybe you would be able to finally get to take that over-sized strap on to your mate or finally get to jerk off all over your spouse’s face. It’s not my responsibility to carry out your sexual fantasies. They have professionals that do that and they are called prostitutes. The job market in this country is already in the shitter and I’ll be darned if I steal business from a hard-working lady of the night.