I Feel Pretty Sick

Who is still giving Amy Schumer movie deals? This looks atrocious, like a bad, somehow even more shitty version of Shallow Hal. To be fair Schumer is just as bothersome as Jack Black, but that is neither here nor their.

Why are people trying to push that being overweight is okay? It is not. I say this as a person who fluctuates more than Oprah and is in a fat Elvis stage currently. At least I know what I am and I’m not proud of it, I am ashamed, as any fatso should be.

This was the person that was supposed to be in the live action Barbie movie. No wonder that fell apart?

I suppose the major problem is that this just looks unfunny. Fat or thin, the point of this thing is to be humorous and it looks like utter, uninspired garbage.

Perhaps with the release being today, those who are high as kites may gain a giggle from this dreck.

I’m mainly insulted as somebody who loves movies and comedy. It is unoriginal and falls victim to this homogenized social justice warrior machine that Hollywood insists on churning out. How about you make it something different with good comedy writing? Also, removing Schumer would not be a bad idea either.

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If You Build It, They Won’t Come

What on Earth is President Trump doing?

He had one simple job, building a wall. This is the only reason he is in office.

I thought for sure this would be his first order of business, considering he does not need approval to construct it, but it seems to be low on the priority list. Well, let’s put things in perspective, if he wants a “W” in 2020, he better start building that bad boy the Trumpian way, ahead of schedule and under budget.

It really is not that hard, instead of looking at prototypes, why not do exactly what Israel has done? Yes, I know people don’t care for the Jews, I say this as a Jew, but because of such disdain for Jews, they know how to build a really good wall. He should copy from beginning to end what Israel does to protect its borders. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and a solid wall is the  greatest form of protection.

My advice is to start doing this immediately as it is a matter of National Security which falls under the umbrella of, oh yes, the President.

No, we don’t need bombings in Syria for National Security, but we do need, as Trump himself put it, “a big, beautiful wall.”

And no, the expansion of Obama-era fencing is not a wall.  That’s like saying the fencing around my house is as good as the walls of my house.

My field of dreams has a huge wall.

So the only question now is, will President Trump keep his promise because it doesn’t look as such?


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The Blob

Well, it is happening, that disgusting, repulsive blob is going to be sitting near me and I am horrified.

I will be subject to snorting, yes Steve Urkel level, and inane stories about this specimens existence.

What have I done to be plagued with such a burden? Lord give me strength. I fee like Job!

The worst part is that the blob is not only grating, annoying, unlikable and uncouth, but it is just gross to look at it.

I’m sorry, I’m a vain gal, I like a little eye candy.

I always say I’m going to pull out my box cutters, but this may push me to really mean it.

I can’t even fathom what the stench will be like once it is settled into its nest.

Just a little extra something to look forward to.

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The Fantasy

You know when you really want to have sex with somebody, but you know there is no possibility it will ever happen so you just have to think about basically sexually assaulting them? I know that people say when you finally get something you want you don’t really appreciate it and I’m fine with that. I really, really want to fuck this guy. The sad part is that I know it is not going to happen. I’m not asking for much, just some dick. I would do all the work, I’m fine with that.

Some people enjoy the fantasizing, I hate it. Every person I’ve really wanted to hook up with, not counting  famous people, I’ve always gotten to. It may not have been right away, but it eventually happens. I’m like a toxic substance, you may be infected, but it may take some time for you to really fall ill. Anyway, though the reality of being intimate with these people may not have been as good as it was built up in my mind, I prefer knowing that I landed that deal.

I think this person I’ve aimed my heat-seeking missile on is immune to my toxicity. I know, who could not be obsessed with me? Okay, fine, I get I’m horrible, but it is obvious that I’m the type of gal who would be a soldier in the sack. I’m not asking for forever, I’m asking for like a quick minute of your entire life. I feel like an evil villain who is consumed with this one task. The sad part is that this mission will not be accomplished and that reality, I don’t accept.

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