Just A Follow Up

I did end up making this purchase and trying these.

They were pretty darn delectable.

Would I get them again?

Probably not, but I’m not disappointed.

It’s better to have tried and known, then to have continued living with the mystery.

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It’s A Disease

I really need to stop it already. My over-eating is taking its toll on me. I feel hungover today from carbs and sugars.

But, it’s not my fault, I mean it is my fault, but to be fair, I have to eat. If people who drink too much can claim disease, then I call the same on my binging. If only I could purge, I’d finally have that just fled Sobibor look I’ve always wanted.

I recently celebrated  a birthday and I ate so many desserts that the next day I was sick to my stomach. A buddy asked me what I ate and I couldn’t tell him because I felt so gross. I said, ” You know when you drink too much and you can’t talk about what you drank, this is the same but with food. Doesn’t that ever happen to you?”

He said, “Yeah, when we got nachos.”

I said, “That’s the only time?”

He said, “No the other time we got nachos. I only really overaet like that when I’m with you.”

This triggered a memory of years ago when a girl friend told me that she never eats as much food as she does as when she’s with me.

Clearly I’m a bad influence and a fat fuck!

I must break this cycle. I look like fat Janet Jackson and feel like fat Jonah Hill.

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The Towels

On my recent voyage to Jamaica I found that even on island time people are awful. I was at a resort with a very nice beach and plenty of beach chairs. The protocol for reserving a beach chair is to take towels and place them on the chairs. If nobody is using the chairs for more than two hours you are able to claim those seats. This is the policy and procedure. I of course, being law abiding, followed these resort rules.

One morning, I placed my towels on a set of chairs. I went to go get some breakfast. Upon my return, thirty minutes later, there was a man sitting in the chairs that I had set up for my party and taken over them. He had thrown the towels I placed on the chairs situated behind him. I took more towels and put them on chairs near the ones that were stolen from me. When my mother came to meet me she asked what happened. I explained quite graphically to her my account, it pays to speak a second language. I told her I’m asking him if he moved the towels and she said that I should not do this.

So, I asked him, politely if he had moved my towels. He said, he wasn’t sure because his wife had set up their chairs and that she went for a run. I said, “I’m not accusing you, I’m simply saying there were towels, and now there aren’t towels.” He said, “His wife wouldn’t have moved towels if they were on the chairs already.” to which I “okayed” him.

My mom couldn’t believe me, she said, “Who do you think you are? Larry David?”

No, I’m not Larry David, but I’ll tell you this, that Larry David cadenced okay he does, that was mine, he stole that, that was a Ruth thing running back to twenty years ago, not to mention, he also took “big vagina, ” that was all mine, but I digress.

The wife came back and  before I could even ask her, the guy asked her and she said, “Oh no, there were no towels.” I said, okay.

I turned to my mother and said, she just took our towels, threw them on other chairs and lied to my face. She is not abiding by the rules of the resort.

My mother told me to let it go and to relax, who could relax, I’m sitting next to thieves and liars, sheer criminals!

Anyway, my punishment was that the man started small talk with us. I don’t know why I should be paying the price? He is the evil-doer. I hope the loosey joint he bought from the Rasta were laced with something awful. I also hope his wife gets cervical cancer.

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Courtesy

The other day I was driving in heavy traffic. Out of the goodness of my heart, I let a woman merge from the ramp she was stopped at into the traffic. I got nothing! Where was my courtesy wave? I was furious.

It’s not like it was dark outside so I wouldn’t be able to see if she gave the obligatory thank you wave. There was definitely enough daylight. I wave even if it is dark, maybe somehow  the other person can see me.

What sort of monster was this lady? You always give the courtesy wave! You don’t neglect the wave. The wave is part of the proper procedures of road travel.

This is why people turn into asshole drivers, because they try and be nice and uncouth drivers ruin it for them.

I am still not over this appalling display. If somebody lets you in, you give a courtesy wave, plain and simple!

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